Chloe offers advice

Dear Chloe,

It’s my first year in college and I feel like I have let my anxiety get the best of me. I want to make friends and get involved, but it feels impossible to even start. How can I make the most of my college experience while dealing with anxiety?

Signed, Afraid to Try

Dear Afraid,

I know the process of putting yourself out there can feel daunting. I remember being in your shoes, lonely and scared with what felt like a million doors in front of me, and I couldn’t reach the handles to open them. It’s not as simple as people think.

The truth is, Afraid, you have to leap. You have to momentarily forget the risk, forget the fear and go against everything your brain is telling you. You have to leap and grab the door handle and yank it open. If you don’t get past that first terrifying, anxiety-inducing step, then you’ll be stuck.

I know it’s easier said than done. I spent many nights crying in my dorm room alone, too afraid to do something, do anything, but by hiding and trying to protect myself from all of the danger in the world, I was left unfulfilled and small. I had a big heart, but a weak voice, and I knew I had to change.

There was a moment of hope for me. A moment that was small, and on the outside looking in, it might not have been much of anything for someone else. I applied for a tiny leadership position in an organization. I wanted so badly to try, so I just did. I got the position, and I was proud. It sparked an ounce of confidence in myself when I previously had none.

Then another leadership position rolled around, and another opportunity arose, and another skill was added to my resume. People started to know my name. No one had ever known my name before. That’s not to say prominence is the same thing as happiness, Afraid. You don’t have to be the biggest name on campus to be successful.

For me, success meant growth. It meant having meaningful friendships. It meant not being afraid to speak up when I needed to. I think that might be what success means for you, too. All I had to do was leap once.

I know anxiety can feel insurmountable, and it can feel scary and dark and heavy. It is heavy; don’t let people tell you that it’s not. It might get the best of you some days. It might keep you from leaping some days. That’s okay. That’s human. However, there’s something that an old teacher of mine always used to say: The sun will always rise again tomorrow, and we will try again.

Your anxiety may never go away, Afraid, but it does not define you — not if you don’t let it. You can lock yourself away, turn down adventure and reject every new opportunity in the name of safety, or you can let go for just a moment and experience every good thing you’re meant to.

Start small. Have courage, and from now on, don’t label yourself “afraid.” You’re more capable of things than your anxiety lets you believe.

All the best,

Chloe